#DoubtingEnough

I don't post much about my personal life on social media ... but here I'll let it be known that I was offered a supervisor position for a therapeutic program this summer. And I accepted although I almost didn't even apply.

I have doubted myself in so many ways, not only about being qualified for this position, but in other areas of my life. Self-doubt is defined as a lack of confidence in one's self or abilities. Lacking confidence in myself is a challenge I've whispered to only my closest friends ... but it's SO REAL. Not everyday I feel like a #BossChick. I don't wake up with flawless skin, a clear and focused mind, or a flat tummy with curves from here to there. 

But that doesn't stop me from being enough.

A close sister-friend of mine gifted me with a silver cuff bracelet that is engraved with the words "I AM ENOUGH". A daily affirmation, if you will, that reminds me that what I have to offer is enough. Professionally, I AM ENOUGH. Physically, I AM ENOUGH. Emotionally, I AM ENOUGH. And this isn't a statement of contentment with my current self; there's always room for growth and improvement. But WHO AM I to lack confidence in the woman God has so graciously made in His image?!

God has granted me so much mercy and favor on this journey that I cannot fathom doubting His workmanship. Experiences have empowered my story, trials have refined my testimony. In no way, shape, or form have I been perfected but only made to follow His perfect love; to humbly rest in His grace. I'm a masterpiece.

So when I hit submit on the application to become a supervisor in my agency, when I strive to reach 2 miles of cardio versus one, when I walk into my therapist's office with a vulnerable but brave demeanor ... I know that I AM ENOUGH. And this journey is full of blessings that doubt has tried to block one too many times.

I'm so glad I didn't give in.

---

Vibe Tunes ATM (At The Moment):

Red Eye x KING + Claustrophobic x PJ Morton

#PurgeToProduce

A lull of silence chased by a flow of tears. Another black man/woman murdered at the hand of a uniform meant to protect. I'm overwhelmed, sick, mourning.

Checking social media with caution, my timeline includes videos, personal opinions and essays, media outlets painting pictures of the deceased and defender, and other knee-jerk reactions. Here, it's easy to wade and soon drown in the negativity; to stir up and pour into fury. Understand, I AM angry. This is not the life we're meant to live and defend. Freedom should be inclusive for all human beings ... but it seems living black has always been a crime, with punishment uncalled for. 

But I can't let the negativity consume me. Nothing I produce from it -- at work, at home, in my relationships -- will be productive. I have to purge.

I am consciously practicing self-care to rid myself of negativity and protect my magic: daily affirmations, opting out from watching the videos and live streams of brutality, recognizing and honoring how I'm affected emotionally and physically, and surrounding myself with my tribe, supporting one another. Releasing negativity takes intention. It's a thoughtful carrying of compassion for yourself and the world you live in -- knowing it desperately needs Him. 

It's my prayer that I can reproduce the positivity, compassion, and change I've experienced into this hurting world. As a vessel of the Most High, I am available for this charge. In this space, I am empowered ... in this space I am determined to live abundantly, to share in this overflow.

àse.

#HigherVibes

Source 

I was inspired by a conversation with Queen Mommy and an Instagram post by @cleowade.

 God's timing is perfect.

Check it: 

Life is a journey, imperfectly one of a kind, designed for me. I'm confidently lost in the wonder of His grace and blessings bestowed upon me. Vibing ... His Spirit vibrating higher within me ... Hallelujah! There's reciprocity in my praise; a mutual understanding in my tears. I got this. He's got this. We got this.