I look into the rearview mirror and sigh at the clock on the dashboard -- 3am. How did I get here? Who is this girl? Three assignments, one favor for a classmate, and a late drive across the HRBT ... I've done it again. Exactly what I've chosen to do for acceptance.
Pull yet another all nighter because my days are stretched and spent running around fulfilling work, volunteering, sorority work, and internship obligations -- forgetting to prioritize myself? Check.
Be well liked amongst my peers by saying "yes" to everything? Check.
Find myself on yet another late night drive to a guy that doesn't need me, but makes me feel wanted and special for another night? Check.
Sound familiar? Maybe even relatable?
I spent majority of my life tethering my identity to what others thought of me by what I could do for them -- to how they accepted me based on how much I could give to them. I spent majority of my life tethered to the fear of rejection, thus shaping my identity.
You see, when I didn't know who I was and hadn't fully began to walk in WHOSE I am, I placed weight in the opinions, the attention, and the acceptance of others. Anchoring myself to temporary and ever-changing foundations.
From a young age I placed the weight of my identity in things like how many friends I had, whether or not my new siblings liked me, if I excelled in the gifted program, whether or not my mom approved of me, and even whether my biological father looked for me. What I sought evolved as I grew older into whether or not the cute guy I had a crush on went for my friend or me, whether or not I made a certain salary, whether or not I had over 100 likes on IG and Facebook ... whether or not anyone read or commented on a blog post ...
All very temporary and ever-changing standards to anchor my identity to -- like glaciers shifting and melting in a climate of global warming and changes, so do those standards.
But how many of us know that God is a solid rock in a world full of change?! [Check Psalm 61:2 and Psalm 18:2!] It was the moment I rearranged my anchor to Christ that He also revealed that my identity was rearranged as well. As a child of the Most High, I didn't have to seek approval of any [wo]man -- I was already approved and validated as His child! My hope and faith became anchored in the truth of Him -- such a gift! Anything that is His, became mine -- joy, love, peace, strength. Imagine your identity in the fullness of receiving and accepting these gifts in and from Christ. And with no expectations for what you can give or do to earn the gift -- freely given.
[If you haven't accepted this gift from Christ, let me know if you'd like to receive it today!]
I no longer had to seek validation through comparison. I no longer had to cling to acceptance and fear rejection. He's the Rock that was also rejected, right? I am not immune to rejection!
But the feelings of being unwanted or uninvited or unnoticed, or even forgotten, still remained a couple years ago. I know that I am His daughter, but I thought Daddy God had forgotten about me. In more ways than one ... I let the lies of the enemy grow louder than the truth in my head. That's when I took my life's course into my own hands. And boy did I jack things up ...