I have a hard time letting go of things and people. My mom tells me I have a slight hoarding problem. It's like I see the potential in something and optimistically believe that one day I'll need it ... or that they'll need me. So I cling to the memories, the potential, the expectations ... the picture I paint in my mind of a future where potential and purpose align.
This land of tight gripped dreams and fantasies is valid. I am allowed to see the greatness in something, someone. But it's the honest truth in my peripheral that awakens my reality.
Letting go is an art: requiring the right tools, support, timing and muse. I wouldn't write/post haphazardly, so neither would I handle this artistic expression similarly.
Whether it's blocking all mediums of contact, praying through the healing process, journaling through the phases of grief, or utilizing music to say what you cannot, there are tools available to aid in letting go. I have to use all of these and more to trek from one emotional space to another. And it's hard. I'm not a cold-hearted individual and my character tells me to remain available for others, but who's available for me?
Community is an integral part of journeying through life. The last two years of my life have encouraged me to grow in areas that I ignored and hindered out of fear. With the support of my sister-friends, family, and therapist, decluttering my mental, emotional, and physical spaces has felt that much more manageable.
Ecclesiastes 3:1. God's timing is humorous in retrospect; all that I have needed to triumph through life, I have been equipped with in a timely manner. There is a reason I held on to people and things for the times I did: I was not equipped to effectively let go. "WHY NOW?": the timing is right.
Myself. That's it. I need me.
I need me more than anything else. My love and affection, my encouragement and endearment, my focus and fearlessness. I even need my flaws, imperfections, laziness, and screw ups. I NEED ALL OF ME. And the best parts of me are mine to have and share with those deserving.
I would rather let go and remain open palmed, receiving the outpouring of reciprocity and love from those things and people that appreciate my best, than cling to uncertainty.